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***Love-Letters*** |
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geschrieben am: 28.01.2000 um 15:26 Uhr
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[b]TO MY DEAR WIFE:[/b]
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times!
I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.
The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
54 times the sheets were clean, you said
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be asleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said you werenŽt in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didnŽt want to muss your new
hair-do
3 times you said the neighbours would hear
us
9 times you said your mother would hear us
Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfying because:
6 times you just layed there
8 times you reminded me thereŽs a crakc in
the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it
over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I
finished
And one time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move.
[b]TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:[/b]
I think you have confused things a little.
Here are the reasons you didnŽt get more than you got:
5 times you came home drunk and tried to
fuck the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didnŽt cum
33 times you camt too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone
kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was
running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost notion after thinking
about it all day
6 times you came in your pyjamas while
reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching football
and baseball on tv
Of the time we did get together the reason I laid still was because you missed and fucked the sheets.
I wasnŽt talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was: "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"
The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe!!!
[i]Diese Briefe stammen übrigens nicht aus meinem Erfahrungsbereich.
Übereinstimmungen mit eurem Liebesleben sind rein zufällig und nicht von mir beabsichtigt![/i]
mfg und mit den besten Wünschen für das Jahr, shorty 
Ach ja: Die Protokollliste 2000 könnt ihr gebührenpflichtig über das Frauenhaus oder die Nervenheilanstalt beziehen! |
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